The Monolith Myth

Enjoy this clip from episode 104!

The discussion centers on the phrase "we are not a monolith" as it's used in online discourse, especially within the Black gay community.

Main points:

• The contradiction: Despite preaching individuality, there's still pressure to fit a specific mold — those who don't match the expected "blueprint" often get pushed aside.
• What the phrase usually means: It's typically invoked to push back against stereotypes — like the assumption that all Black gay men or POC live the same lifestyle (constant clubbing, socializing, etc.).
• The critique: One speaker challenges the phrase itself, arguing it should really be "I am not a monolith" rather than "we," since so many people seem to follow the same patterns anyway. They suggest it's become more of an empty buzzword than a reflection of actual diversity.
• The nuance: The group lands somewhere in between — people can have layers and aren't defined by one experience, but they also acknowledge that certain habits (partying, hookup culture) genuinely are common within the Black gay diaspora, even if not universal or permanent for everyone.

Essentially, it's a self-reflective conversation questioning whether a popular phrase about diversity actually holds up against observed community patterns, or if it's become a defensive catchphrase.

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Topics to include:

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Transcript

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Why One Blueprint Feels Real

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Let me ask all of the viewers out there and the listeners out there something. If we're not a monolith, why does it feel like we're always chasing the same body? We're chasing the same type. We're chasing the same aesthetic. We're saying the same things. We're reacting the exact same way. We're living the exact same lifestyle. What is that about? You know, why does it feel like there's a right way to be black or a right way to be gay? And if you don't fit that, you kind of get pushed to the side. So I'm not even saying that we're doing this on purpose, but I am saying that there seems to be a pattern. And that pattern bothers the dog shit out of me. And so one of the reasons why I was like, I want to do a topic about this and really talk about what the issue is there and what it's really about. Because how are we really out here preaching individuality, but we're moving like there's only one blueprint? So today we're really gonna get into it and we're not, again, not trying to tear anybody down, but we're really trying to ask, are we as diverse as we claim to be? Or are we just comfortable saying that while doing the opposite? Let me ask you two first. When you hear the the the phrase or the idiom now, all right, we're not a monolith. What does that actually mean to you?

What “Not A Monolith” Means

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yeah. So I see this a lot on different discussions in different groups on Facebook and on, of course, Twitter, where a lot of discourse happens. And basically it's always in relation to how we're not this big group of gay men. All gay men don't do this and all gay men don't do that. And it's usually fighting against something that has been perceived as something that all black gay men do. Well, because I'm speaking, we're speaking, of course, in the terms of black gay men or black men of color, if that's what you want to call that. Um POCs is what the PLCs. The PLCs, yes, yes. So yeah, to me, uh, I just feel like it's just trying to or trying to make a statement or making a statement where we are just not all falling in this this line. It's not just, hey, we're marching all to the club on Friday. Okay, now we're gonna go to this club on Saturday. We're we're all not going to brunch on Sunday. Like we all don't fall into those that into what we see the the mainstream or the scene gays. Um, you know, the gays are always out and about. We see them on social media all the time. They're always taking photos in the spot with their boyfriends, with their crew, and all that stuff. Uh, a lot of us do not live that way. And I think it kind of is when people feel like, oh, I'm not that type of gay, or I'm not that type of guy. I don't, I'm not always out. That's what it means. Okay. All right,

Who Exactly Is “We”

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Dana.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

One of the first questions I would ask is when you say we, do you mean all-encompassing we or do you mean just we as in, like Jeff was saying, people of color or brown gay men of color?

SPEAKER_01 3:10

See, and that I'm not really sure about because that's one of the things that I want to talk about, is the fact that we're using this collective we, like we are not this and we are not that. But from my vantage point, and just from what I see, a lot of the we is not we, like we are not a monolith really should be changed to me am not a monolith, you know, like really because it's not is is I mean, because everybody else is doing the same shit, you know what I'm saying? So I I don't know who the we is in that. So you have any idea of who it could be?

SPEAKER_02 3:45

Yeah, I mean, I would I'm not gonna point out any particular groups. Okay, well, why not?

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Hey, listen, listen, we are

Nightlife Culture And Growing Out

SPEAKER_01 3:54

raw, vulnerable, and stripped down. Point them out, say it with your chess.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

I will say that, you know, speaking in the eye, I am definitely, oh, did I used to be the type of uh gay guy? I was like in the we was going somewhere, I wanted to do something every single weekend. Yeah, I used to be, but I also think that I think at some some certain points, you know, you grow out of shit. Um, some people don't grow out of it. Some people they stay in it and they want to live that life like all their lives. You know, the the gays who love to go to the parties, they want to do cocaine, they want to pop pills, they wanna, they wanna get drunk, they they they is rolling down the concrete street and they still want to go get another drink, right? And you know, but I I'm not like that. And you know, I've not I'm not banned. I have now will I have a good cocktail on a good day? Yes, I will. Yes, I will, or two or three, or two or three, and maybe even six on a good Tuesday. Okay, hey, listen, listen.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

There's nothing wrong with that. But you know, there could be something wrong if it becomes excessive, but right, I don't think that you're excessive, I think you're a functional drunk, so that works.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Absolutely. No, I am that type of guy.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Okay, there we go. There we go. That's it. Look, if if it takes you two or three drinks to get drunk, then yeah, you you you already are lightweight as it is. So I mean, it should really take you more than three to get drunk all it out.

Are We Actually A Monolith

SPEAKER_01 5:28

I think for me, the the idea of a monolith is is just like the definition, if you look up the definition of the definition really talks about monoliths being something relegated to something you would probably call homogenous, like everything is the same, everything is is it it functions it there's like a certain level or a certain set of characteristics that are always associated with that group of people. And so, like I said earlier, I think that when people use the term we are not a monolith, they're they're really speaking about themselves and maybe the two or three other people that might be around in their circle that might be a little bit different from what whatever that mainstream thing is. But honestly, I think that we are monoliths. We're gonna get more into it, but I really think that we are a monolith, like as a whole, you know. So it doesn't really mean too much to me. I think honestly, it it really just means it's just another thing to say, you know. Like one of our previous co-hosts talked about not hearing the the term generational wealth, like it's just some shit to say. Like everybody's using this buzzword, everybody's using that buzzword. So I think that's kind of what it

Layers Without Judging The Season

SPEAKER_01 6:40

is.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Well, and I also would just add one last thing of it's okay to be like, I'm not just this one sided way, I have layers, which you know, which is fine.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Um, I don't know about that for some people, but no, I agree with you.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

I already I I watched, I do, but I mean, but it's also, you know, I think sometimes people don't know how to communicate to and say that, you know, there's more to me than the fact that I'm going out every other weekend or the fact that I'm hooking up with uh a couple of different people on one night or every other weekend, and that's fine, but you know, it's a it's a way to explain that if people choose to explain. But we know some folks don't like explaining themselves either.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

So yeah, but like you said, I feel like there's nothing wrong with doing those things if you want to hook up with random people every weekend or every night, or if you want to go out and spend time at the club on Sunday, fun day, this and the other every weekend, that's fine too. I think we all have those experiences, you know, at least for a season or just for a couple weeks or whatever, and then you know, we may fall back and do other things, but I think those are pretty common experiences across the black gay diaspora, if you will, that use the term, use the term.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

I was just gonna say, okay, black gay diaspora.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

You know, that big they go out, they go to circuit parties, or they may go to a circuit party and have that experience, you know. But there's other people that they do that all the time.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Oh, hey, what's

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SPEAKER_02 8:12

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