Hella Chisme Podcast
Hella Chisme Podcast is a production where Dana and Stefanie sit together with their favorite cocktails and talk about their day-to-day lives. They will cover a wide variety of topics like sex, dating, marriage, pop culture, spirituality and more. The Hella Chisme Podcast will have audio and visual releases every Friday across all major platforms. It's gonna be hella fun.
Hella Chisme Podcast
Navigating Love's Silent Struggles: From Casual Sex to Long-term Relationships
Welcome back to another episode of the Hella Chisme Podcast.
This week we dive into the messy world of dating with hilarious horror stories and brutally honest relationship talk. We share our weekend plans before launching into cringe-worthy tales of dating disasters, from a drunken date gone horribly wrong to men who can't stop talking about themselves.
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Hey y'all. I just wanted to let you know that we have a Patreon channel. That's right. If you did not know, we are on Patreon. Our Patreon is $8.99 a month, where you can come and watch all of our visual elements to our podcast show. So all you have to do is click the link in our description box and it will take you right there. It's only $8.99 a month. Make sure you go and subscribe. Bye La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. And we are back with another episode of the Hella Chisme Podcast. My name is Dana.
Speaker 2:And I'm Stephanie.
Speaker 1:And we are your hosts. Omg, happy Friday. Look at us. We've been recording a few different times on Happy Friday. Look at us. We've been recording a few different times on a Friday and which you know. If you know and have been listening for a while, you know that if I'm recording on a Friday then it must be my Friday off. Thanks be to God. Happy Friday. What's going on? How was the work week? What are the plans for the weekend? Give me all the tea.
Speaker 2:So for me, my work week has been good. It's been busy. We talked the other day off screen or off recording and I mentioned there's a lot of talks with budgets and things like that just because so much has changed, um, like politically, so um, just kind of, you know, going through the moves of that and doing the best I can, like you know, during that time this time and um, yeah, it's been, uh, it's been pretty interesting. I know there's, like California or San Diego at least has, you know, different plans and and ideas for those that are experiencing homelessness right now. So that'll be interesting to see how it plays out. And um, yeah, I just went busy with that and my work, like my week outside of that, has been pretty good, just like spring cleaning, sports, and I'm hoping to go get my nails done today.
Speaker 1:Finally, when are you going to go to?
Speaker 2:I don't know yet I can't decide what color I want. I mean, I will have them for Easter, so I was thinking like Like a pastel pink or something Like at least a French tip of that color, or I don't know.
Speaker 1:I like the clean girl aesthetic for nails sometimes can you explain a little bit of what that aesthetic is exactly?
Speaker 2:yeah, so it's very like um, like classy, um, not like over the top, with, like you know, a bunch of diamonds and colors and charms and stuff like that. It's just very like simple and like chic yes yes okay, I love that for you.
Speaker 1:Where are you going to go to?
Speaker 2:I was thinking of going to this place in Chula Vista that I like to go to, and yeah, okay. To do a design sometimes, but not every shop can do a good good design and not every nail artist can do a good design with um, you know, and then if they don't do it right, it does look a little like cheap looking, I don't know yeah that's a safe no, yeah, it comes off cheap and sloppy. I don't, I'm trying to avoid that.
Speaker 1:I get that 100%. You know I'm very hard up on who does my nails, especially on if I'm getting a design or something.
Speaker 2:I'm very particular.
Speaker 1:So I 100% understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, also, my daughter has gymnastics today at a new like gym and my dad got her like a gymnastics bodysuit and it's like pink and sparkly and like has stars on it.
Speaker 1:Like the gymnastics, like the outfit she can wear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what do you want to see? Yeah, let's see it she knows why it's about to love this, so it's like a little um bodysuit that they wear how cute oh, my gosh little camisole yeah, I'll probably put like a long sleeve, like a little um under armor or something underneath to cover like up here. But um, it looks super cute.
Speaker 1:I can't, did she love it and her high pony with her curls.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's so excited, oh my gosh and you know she's so tiny and a bunch of hair so she like jumps or flips and you just like it's like pew and you just see, like her hair it's so cute I love it.
Speaker 1:That's so cute. So is she enjoying gymnastics, or what?
Speaker 2:yeah, and she talks about it on the walk and I was like, oh, that's cool, that's what I'm saying. I don't know if she's going like with her job or a group of friends. I didn't ask her.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that.
Speaker 2:I would have known you were going, I would have. That's fine.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:I love it well, that sounds like a very full weekend and definitely sounds like the week was continuously busy, so gotta love it.
Speaker 1:My week was busy too, so I just got back to work on tuesday after being off from um last week or not the last week, but I just got back to work on that tuesday after being off, while for me and my hubby's wedding anniversary and we went out of town to Paso Robles but I did talk a little bit about it on the previous episode. But we had ourselves a great time in Paso Robles and, you know, just went to a bunch of different wineries and you know, just went to a bunch of different wineries and also just really really leaned into relaxing and being on vacation, on vacation, and it just was nice. You know, it was nice to get away, it was nice to be in a different setting and a different scene. It was colder. Uh, they, you know it started to warm up a little bit towards the end and the drive was a mess. But other than that, 10 out of 10, highly recommend.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh my god, it took us about six or seven hours to get there and it took six, just about six hours to get back, and all just just because of LA traffic, like that's the only reason. Otherwise, if it was no traffic. I think we could have got there in three or four hours, because, essentially, we're just driving down the coast and, yeah, it's really just because of LA traffic that it takes that long. Once you hit that Los Angeles, it's just a wrap. So, but next time we go, I think either we'll fly to St Louis Obispo or we'll just fly to, like San Jose and then drive down, cause it just didn't make no sense. It was like we were driving to the Bay area, essentially, and it just took forever. And at a point where I was just like this drive, I'm over this drive, like I can't. But no, yeah, yes, the train does go to st louis obispo, actually. So that's another option, right, but I think that takes six or seven hours too. But at least you're not driving and you're hanging out on the train. You know, it's always like you can take um, like some lunch or something to go down and to get there. But, yeah, on the train, yes, yeah. Or I can bring some on myself, like you know, bring a bottle of wine or something and just sit and do some reading or you know whatever, while on the train, the train, and the train is. It's gotten a lot better over the years. You know I got some good AC. They keep it clean, you know they're consistent with the conductors and security. So I like the train.
Speaker 1:I've always liked the train and always advocated for traveling on the train, especially if you don't feel like you know driving or being on any planes. I support that. I say, do that. So If you're going to sit in like business class or just regular, I think it's like regular economy, I think I don't know what they call it, I can't remember what they call it, but business class is nice, it's not always super packed. But if you're going to get a sleeper car, then that is where you're going to spend a good portion of your money and it's just as expensive as buying a plane ticket. If you're going to do a sleeper car and it also depends on where you're going, because that changes the price a little bit if you're going to get a sleeper car, but I enjoyed the train I think next could be an option when I go to the Beyonce concert I'm going to take the train to LA instead of driving, just because I don't feel like doing that. But this weekend is going to be pretty low-key Today.
Speaker 1:I was supposed to go to therapy this morning but I was trying to reschedule but then she also had to reschedule so I didn't get to go. I just came from a chiropractor appointment. This is my second appointment with Dr Andrew here in San Diego and, baby, he's been cracking this back. Okay, he's been getting me together. It does feel good, but I mean, he's like he can feel it, like I hold my stress and my I hold my stress in my back and in my lower back, and you know I don't always have the good posture because I'm always at a computer looking up, looking down, you know, and he was like you need to like start making sure to be mindful about how you're sitting, how much tension you're putting on your back, and all of that. So, you know, today he was like elbowing into my lower back, into my pelvic area, and I was like, oh, I can feel, like you can feel how stiff and like tight it is, um, and he was trying, he was like loosening it up so he can, you know, pop it into place. So, yeah, that's been happening and that's been a thing. So I don't know, we'll see how it goes. I've only been twice.
Speaker 1:We'll see how I feel, like through the rest of this week and leading into next week and then after that I should start to feel some sort of release, hopefully. And then also, with me going to the gym, I need to start making sure that I'm doing more stretching and just being mindful about my posture and, you know, making sure that you know I'm working out mindfully. Yeah, yeah, um, I probably should. I, I think this week I'm going to try and move back into doing some lifting. The only thing about like my gym at work is if I don't get there early, then people are there, so I need to. I'll probably start warming up and then go back to lifting and then doing my cardio at the end, like I usually do, and you know, hopefully that should help with some of like the strength training on like my back and you know all of that and we'll see how that goes.
Speaker 1:And then tomorrow I'm doing a marathon. See how that goes. And then tomorrow I'm doing a marathon. So I am doing, yeah, the Race for Autism marathon. Yeah, I'm doing that tomorrow and I'm going to see. I guess I'm going to.
Speaker 1:I need to decide if I'm going to do the whole thing or am I just going to do the one mile or a couple of miles, but five miles isn't really that bad. I've done a five mile walk. I I usually walk, I'm not running. You know we're talking about my back. It's gonna be on concrete, on what they ain't got. Anybody ain't built to be just out here running just yet. But yeah, I think I am gonna do it. I am going to do it, but I just need to decide if I'm doing what. How long am I going to do it for Um, and then after that doing nothing? Who? Which one Got it? Is she going with someone else? Mm-hmm, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, okay. And then after that that'll be my weekend. Saturday, I mean Sunday we'll be here, and then you know, I ain't doing shit on Sunday, but cooking dinner at some point, and then back at it on Monday, yesterday, like a full little Caribbean style meal, and then I don't know what I'm going to make on Sunday because I still got leftovers.
Speaker 1:So I may not be making too much more. I may just be pulling out those leftovers and reheating those up or something. But we'll see how that goes, you know. But anyway, um, so this week we have a full episode, uh, to chat with y'all. We got some some stories and we're going to be talking about some relationships and some dating uh things, and you know it's going to be good.
Speaker 2:So we're going to take a quick little break and then we'll be right back hey guys, just wanted to come on here and remind you that we still are on patreon and if you would like to see all of the visual content and for future, present and past episodes, then you would want to subscribe to that. It's about $8 a month but for real life updates and behind the scenes clips and you know updates, surveys, polls. Make sure you are following us on Instagram, at HelloCheeseMetPod and YouTube HelloCheeseMetPodcast. We do lives and other you know, know events and stuff like that that you want to definitely be part of. So go ahead and follow us on there and stream us on apple podcast, google podcast, spotify or whatever podcast streaming service you prefer. And thank you, guys for tuning in and we are back, so um.
Speaker 1:So I mean, we've had a lot of conversations about dating, we've talked about and read different stories from dating and provided like our feedback Today.
Speaker 1:I'll be kind of the same but a little bit different. I have two stories and I know you have two stories that we'll get through and then towards the end, we'll wrap it up with kind of talking through these. I've had these silent struggles for people in relationships that they go through. This list that I've had and been holding on to for a couple of months. I found it on Facebook one day and was just scrolling through it and was like, oh my God, this would be good to talk about on the show and just to go through this, to go through this list and then break it down and talk through it. This engine, uh, you know, break it down and talk through it. So we'll go through our stories and then we'll tie it in with these pieces that I found there's 14 of the bullet of the points that we'll cover later. But just start. How about you do one of your stories first, and then we'll go back and forth and then we'll go through everything else as we maneuver through.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 2:So one of the stories is I did get my story from Reddit. They're just like dating stories or weird dating stories. So this one says my friends and I had a lot to drink one night that we went out and we were at a bar club and everyone was dancing and having a good time. I myself was pretty in the bag by this point. Anyway, the night went on. I eventually started dancing with this girl and her group of friends. We must have spent at least two hours dancing, hanging out, etc. There may have been some kissing, but nothing gratuitous. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and went home with our separate groups.
Speaker 2:The next day I get several texts from this girl that I barely remember dancing and hanging out with and she told me that she had a great time and that we should go out to dinner. I said sure, I said I would pick her up and we drove to and did, and we drove to a restaurant. As soon as she started talking I realized I had absolutely no interest or connection. I was not into her conversation, didn't like her voice, didn't find her attractive which was just a matter of my personal preference and I was finally ready to start seriously dating again. I was looking for the one and didn't want to spend time on someone who wasn't going to be that person. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was certain that the one and didn't want to spend time on someone who wasn't going to be that person. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was certain that there was zero chance anything would come out of this from my end. In any case, I tried to be a gentleman and listened and told jokes.
Speaker 2:The waiter then came over, took our orders and decided to make the following comment you know, you both are really cute together. I see a lot of couples and you can tell which ones have it and which ones don't, and you both have it. She really liked that. I just smiled and wished the night would end. After what seemed like forever. We left. I drove her home and she asked if we could go for a walk. I said sure, the walk consisted of her telling me how much of a connection she felt and how right the waiter was. I didn't say a word. When we got back to her place she said do you want to come up? And I told her I didn't think that would be a good idea. I never regretted that decision, since my previous relationship went on too long because I was not willing to end it when it shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Then things got wacky. At that moment her parents came by because they lived down the street for a quote-unquote surprise visit and had brought some stuff. They were happy to find an extra set of hands around to help carry. She had just moved into the place and was slowly furnishing. What made it exciting in retrospect was that the girl's dad was a client of the company I worked for and I had met him before. He recognized me right away and started chatting about work stuff. Then came the questions about how I met his daughter, what my intentions were and all that other crap. To end this particular leg of the story, I eventually said that I had an early day tomorrow and should get home to bed. I finally got out of there. Before going to bed that night I got a text from her saying that we should go out again ASAP because we need to explore the connection that is undoubtedly there.
Speaker 1:And this is a boy and girl couple right.
Speaker 2:A boy and girl?
Speaker 1:Yes, Interesting, so oh, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was going to say that kind of goes hand in hand with like those silent, like those internal, like struggles obviously different in a marriage, but intrusive thoughts or whatever yeah, like you're intrusive internally trying to figure out if it's there, if it's not there or if it's gonna work, is it not gonna work? Or the internal thing of like. I don't like this girl. I don't want her to get the wrong impression like what do I do? I don't want to be a bad person, you know yeah people pleasing yeah people pleasing.
Speaker 1:yes, which we, oh my god, this has been like a trend for us talking about people pleasing a lot lately. That's interesting, I think the first thing knowing that I can't remember was it the guy or the girl that was having issues with deciding if they liked this person or not, or was it both of them?
Speaker 2:No. So the girl was very interested and definitely felt a connection, but the guy was more like after hearing, having conversation and seeing her, he's like I'm not really feeling it Not so much, got it Okay, I mean. And the girl had her parents stop the bike on the first date.
Speaker 1:I mean, here's my thing. I think it's okay to lose interest in that, because that happens all the time. I think it's more so how you go about sharing and explaining that information that you've lost interest. Right, you know, as long as you do it respectfully and you're not being disrespectful or mean or rude, I think you know that happens, shit happens. You lose, you, people lose interest, and that's pretty normal. It's just again like how you go about letting them know that you've lost interest, and not like ghosting them or some shit like that. Right, I mean cause it happens Like you'll, you'll be like one day or some shit like that, right, um, I mean because it happens like you'll, you'll be like one day you'll be like, oh my god, this person's amazing.
Speaker 1:The next day you're like I don't really like this motherfucker. They are definitely not who I thought they were. I mean, and sometimes that even happens in a marriage like these are things that happen where people, we evolve, but that's definitely happened to me like I've was like chatted up with somebody and been like you know, and then we go on a date, we hang out and this motherfucker don't know how to tie his shoes or you know he will be walking around here with holes in his jeans and or the breath ain't right and I've talked about this yeah you know it could be the the smallest things that could just be like this ain't gonna work.
Speaker 2:So I think again, it's just about how you go about letting them know that you're no longer interested, or it just wasn't right for you yeah, and I think definitely I've like met people when I'm like tipsy and then you know, know, like you see them again or whatever, and you're like it was. It was the beer goggles. Yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no beer goggles, you know it's, I've had too many shots. And baby, you look fine behind these.
Speaker 2:glad these, these alcoholic lenses honey yes, and then I think too, like the setting right, because you're like in a club or a bar and you're like you don't really have to talk much, like you just gotta like look cute, you know, and then drunk it's easier to look cute, um, so you know, then then meeting somebody sober, like a one-on, you know, in a restaurant or something, it's like completely different. You know, like what do you like to talk about? Like maybe I don't, that's like, you know, it doesn't interest me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah you know it doesn't interest me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, or your manner, like certain mannerisms, or, like you said, if it's hygiene or energy, I feel like energy is a lot too, you know, yeah yeah, I agree, I agree and, um, I think it's also if you're already questioning it and then somebody noticed like she said or they said in the restaurant and the waiter was like y'all have it, and it's like, and you're already like I don't even see what you see. I don't know that we have it.
Speaker 1:Do we have it? And if we do, what is it that you see that we have? Because I don't know that we have it and I don't see that we have it. Do we have it like? And if we do, what is it that you see that we have?
Speaker 2:because I don't know that we have it and I don't see that we have it exactly, exactly so um, okay, the parent, the parents sorry, the parents stopping by on top of it and the dad out of the dad on the first date being like what are your intentions? Like that's hella pressure.
Speaker 1:Especially on like all at once.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:It becomes something else, suffocating. Yeah, no, I agree. So switching gears and moving into kind of talking about casual, date, casual sex. So this person is not necessarily looking, not necessarily looking for like that relationship, but they are asking like how do we, how can we, as women, just casually have sex? So it says. It starts with a disclaimer.
Speaker 1:This isn't a judgment on anyone who enjoys casual sex or hookups. If that's your thing and you're honest about your intentions, I completely respect that, which I like that. That said, I've always been genuinely curious how do people separate sex from emotions? Good question. To me, that phrase, casual sex, feels like a contradiction. Sex, at least in my mind, seems like one of the most intimate experiences two people can share. So how does something so vulnerable get treated like no big deal? I'll admit it, I don't have a ton of sexual experience, but the few times I've been with someone, it only happened after I felt an emotional connection. And on top of that, I don't Don't our bodies release all sort of bonding chemicals during sex, like oxy, oxytocin, oxytocin? It feels like a natural. It feels like nature designed sex to make us catch feelings.
Speaker 1:So for those of you who are genuinely enjoying casual sex, I'd love to hear your perspective. How do you approach it without needing or wanting the deeper emotional bond first? Do you ever catch feelings, or is that something you figured out how to navigate? Also, I'm especially interested in hearing from women, so if you're listening to this, leave it in the comments. Jessica, sex is often painted as more emotional experience for us, but I love to hear from men too. No judgment at all. Honestly, part of me wish I could separate sex and emotion. It might make life a little less complicated. So to clarify, let's start with the question of how does it feel to be vulnerable? How does something so vulnerable like sex get treated like no big deal, and how can we do it? How have you ever had sex emotionlessly and just was like? This is just casual like me personally.
Speaker 2:Yes, I have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and how were you?
Speaker 2:able just to separate your emotions from it um, I think I was like, um, I had a little bit of tequila in my system. I don't really like, it's very hard for me, I guess I should say, to have sex without any sort of like emotional connection, you know. But I have. And how was I able? I just kind of put it in my mind like that, I just found that person like attractive. It in my mind, like that, I just found that person like attractive. And you know that they really I didn't, it wasn't someone I could ever really be with or that I would see having a future with, or wasn't my type personality wise, but just physically they were attractive to me.
Speaker 2:Um, so I just I did it for the plot also because like, uh, I mean women, you know, we have needs, just like men, you know. So that's just what it was. But you know, once, say, say it's like casual sex with the same person for a long period of time, multiple times time passes. That to me is playing with fire Because it gets better and better. Obviously because you figure each other's bodies out and like your, your likes, dislikes, references and stuff, so it gets better.
Speaker 2:But that's when the like blurriness, yeah, I think so it's just good, like maybe a one-night stand or not letting it become a situation. I think that's what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1:No, that right, there is what I was going to say, because that's that you know, oh, we're just friends with benefits, but then we're starting to catch feelings with each other, Like you know, yeah. Baby, it's friends with benefits and benefits, not including feelings.
Speaker 2:Yeah, baby, it's friends with benefits and benefits, not including feelings. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Which is hard.
Speaker 2:Which is hard you?
Speaker 1:know for sure I've definitely had. I've never I've not really been able to have sex with someone and not have any feelings afterwards and not have any feelings afterwards I've had. I've not been able to have casual sex multiple times with anyone and not have any feelings afterwards. You know I've had a one night stand. You know that and the reality of it is, most of the time, most people when they're having one night stands it is because they've been drinking and they're like you know, let's have a little hookup, yeah like you're cute and sometimes, you know, that may not be the case yeah, Cause you're cute, but for the most part, like that, shit happens every day.
Speaker 1:Uh, but for me, if I'm separating my emotions, it's mostly because I just pointed on the house sex with you this one time and then that's going to be that.
Speaker 1:Yeah so and I and I do agree that. You know, I would say that sex is something that's the most intimate with people, but I also think that it's how you're having sex, like I mean, excuse my french, but if we just fucking, we just fucking like, if we're not making love, we're not trying to make it sensual, we're not trying to make it emotional, we're not making love, we're not trying to make it sensual, we're not trying to make it emotional, we're not trying to make it romantic or intimate, and we just here to you know, baby, then that's all that's happening, like nothing else is coming out of that, right?
Speaker 2:So I think I agree a hundred percent Like for me even the time, because I, like you said, it's hard for me. I don't, I'm not good at having sex and then not feeling something after. I'm not good at that. So I don't really have casual sex like that. But you know, obviously, when I like, if you, if you're out of like a long-term relationship, same thing, like you're curious or you're just like you know whatever drinking and you're like, oh, this person's cute and what it happens, you know. But even after that, like I felt, like I didn't like it, like I didn't like how I felt after. You know what I mean. Like I was like I didn't like it, like I didn't like how I felt after. You know what I mean. Like I was like I don't think this is for me. So I'm maybe not the right person to ask how to do that without yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:I guess my best advice would just be like don't have it with the same person more than one.
Speaker 1:I agree with that, especially like so. And then the next question was how do you approach it without needing or wanting deeper emotional bond? I mean, I think again, if you're making sure to be genuine, upfront about what it is that you are expecting from the person, I think that letting them know that it has to be some sort of emotional connection before we have sex is a good way to start, because at least you're being honest, you're laying the foundation for what your intentions are. And then you know me personally, knowing and knowing that I can't necessarily have sex with someone without having catching some sort of emotional feelings then I just don't, and I would not suggest trying to figure out how to not emotionally connect with someone before having sex if that's something that you're used to doing.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, yeah, I double down on that what you said, and I think too, like asking, like you said, like make your intention clear and what you know you want out of it, but also like asking them what they you know, because you can be like, oh well, I don't want to do it if you're not going to take her serious after this, or like you know what I mean, but then the other person might be on a whole different page, like, oh girl, I'm not trying to, you know like get into nothing serious right now. Vice versa, you know like just one person can have a whole different intention versus the other person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't do it. I'm a sensitive girly pop, so yeah. I mean, I can be cold when I need to be and I can be a bitch when I need to be and I can, you know, like whatever, cut things off or whatever. But when it comes to something like vulnerable, like sex and, you know, your body and just so many different things, I can't. Yeah, I think especially you know, after having kids, like I don't know, like your body like changes and you're like I don't know, it's so much, it's different for me.
Speaker 1:I 100% agree and hear you, I, I. It is different. If I ever, at whatever point, for whatever reason, was no longer married, I don't know how I would be able to go and casually date.
Speaker 2:It's ghetto.
Speaker 1:it's so funny because I was talking to one of my cousins and he was like girl, you better count your blessings and stars that you are married, because it's ghetto out here. He was like motherfuckers are out here making sure you got nice teeth before they even talk to you. I was like girl G, H, E, T T.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, so do you want to move to your next story?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, this one was kind of like. So it says I was dating this girl, I'm listening, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was dating this girl for about six months when we went to a big film party sponsored by a vodka company. My date got very hammered, like unattractively hammered. So we're driving home and I look over and she hikes up her skirt and starts pissing all over my seat. She soaked the thing. You wouldn't think a girl, a human, could expel that much liquid. But here we are, we pull into her house and she opens her door and runs inside.
Speaker 1:This bitch did this on a date.
Speaker 2:Yes, they were dating six months and they went to like a film party sponsored by a vodka company, and she was so fucked up.
Speaker 2:She was so fucked up after she peed on his frickin car seat. So we pull into her house and she opens her door and runs inside. I had to run around and close her door because it was a two-door sunfire and those doors are like wings. By the time I get back to running around to the front of her house, I notice she's standing outside hunched over a small garden. I'm assuming she's throwing up, so I go over to check on her, but she puts her hands up and says stop, I'm shitting. And I look down and there's diarrhea around her feet. I don't know what to do. But fuck man, I had to do something.
Speaker 2:This was one of those. How the fuck did this become my issue to fix situations? Here's where things get interesting. I ended up calling her sister. This girl took literally 10 minutes to come to the door because she lives with the sister and when she did she had two kettles of near boiling water. The girl I was with ran inside and her sister came out, handed me a kettle and started pouring it all over the shit and I basically did the same. I was floored to learn this wasn't her first time doing this.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:So then I go inside to find my girl, and made it as far as the upstairs bathroom, where I found her, naked, laying on her side, throwing up, shitting, and a tampon string hanging out of her.
Speaker 1:No, no, no.
Speaker 2:I learned a great deal about how capable a woman's bowels truly are. That evening, Finally, she cleaned up and was ready for bed. I left, got in my car and realized my passenger seat was still soaked from piss. I guess it was a pretty good night.
Speaker 1:So this was his girlfriend and she was on a date.
Speaker 2:He had been seeing her for two months, for six months.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry we're breaking up. No, no, and this wasn't your first time. You've gone out more than once and gotten this drunk and done this. No, no, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:Rich, I can never look at you the same again.
Speaker 1:No, you old nasty so-and-so. No, absolutely not. We're not doing this, because if it was the first time and then there was a second time, there would definitely be a third and fourth. I'm good. Did it say how old this?
Speaker 2:person was you have a drinking problem at this point and you can't, you know, wait to get to a restroom, like, tell me, pull over and you can pee like outside.
Speaker 1:Outside.
Speaker 2:You know I mean and, or a Jack in the Box or a McDonald's or something. No, it doesn't say that.
Speaker 1:Well, and then my other thought is like how many drinks before you knew you were drunk did you have? And you pulled your dress up and pissed in my car? Absolutely not, absolutely not, absolutely not hell not no, she's wilding and I know it's definitely you. It would be a no, we're going to break up, I'm good.
Speaker 2:And that. So then if she's on her period, then maybe, oh my God, haul over, ugh, no, and you know what's crazy is like like for me, like if I go out and I'm on my period, like I'm going to the bathroom like every hour because I'm scared that it's, you know, like gonna, you know, or whatever, like I'm like. So she was out here, just like all the body fluids everywhere all over out.
Speaker 1:no, sir, no ma'am well, another bad date went awry. So this one is about a date that this person went on. They called it the worst date ever. So match with this guy on Hinge and we've been texting for about a week. Fun it's been fun and back and forth Decent banter. So when he asked to grab dinner, I was excited. He asked for restaurant ideas. So I suggested a casual spot that is reasonably priced but cash only. I gave him the heads up about the cash only thing, not assuming he'd pay, but also kind of assuming he'd offer, since he invited me. Pause, do you, when you go on dates, do you hold? Well, I know your response. But if, do you think there should be a rule that if I invite you on a date then I should pay and then vice versa, if the person invites you on the date they should pay? What do you think about that?
Speaker 2:with friends yes, with dates no you think with not not even with friends. I think, like with friends it's always like always, but like we split it up, or I'll take you to eat this time and then you take me, or like whatever you know on a date for me you always think the guy should pay unless you're like, maybe when you're like in a serious relationship for a long time and then you're like oh, babe, I got us some pizza. Or like, babe, I got us wings, or like.
Speaker 1:I got us dinner.
Speaker 2:You know, like, yeah, absolutely like. You know what I mean, but like in the beginning phases, like, first of all, like I'm not inviting no man you know what I mean. But like in the beginning phases, like first of all, like I'm not inviting no man, you're inviting me, or if I tell you, oh, there's a cute, I'll tell you like, hey, this is like a cute restaurant, like we should go, you know, or you should take me, like, and then that's when the guy invites you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I, since I'm a homosexual, I think I think that it should be like if I invite you, then I'll pay, um, or if, but if you invite me, then you should pay. That's what I do with that okay but you know I but honestly also, like I also don't go anywhere expecting for anybody to pay for me. So you know, there's that too question.
Speaker 2:Do you think that's also because it's like you know how there's certain gay relationships where one is like extremely feminine, you know, or trans or whatever they identify with, and the other person is, you know, you know, obviously masculine and the one that is like I don't know about leading, but, you know, just taking on the masculine role or the providing role, then do you think it would be different?
Speaker 1:I'm sure it is. Actually. I've actually heard more feminine presenting gay couples where one of the one of them are like I'm the girl in the relationship, you need to pay for me and take care of me, and you the man, you need to do this, do that, and the other and yeah, 100%, definitely, it's different from relationship to relationship and I've definitely heard that in some relationships being like that for sure, from relationship to relationship, and I've definitely heard that, you know, in some relationships being like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because for you it makes sense, because you're masculine, you know, and your husband is too, so that would make sense of like, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I also think that the two of us also are. We're very much so, like you know, you do you 50-50, or sometimes it's one person's doing more than the other, and which we don't. But we also don't conform to any gender roles in this relationship or in this household either. Right? So yeah, that's okay. It is just what this household either, right, so you?
Speaker 2:know, yeah, that's so nice it is just what it is sometimes yeah. Okay, so yeah for me, he better get the tab.
Speaker 1:She says, or this person says I'm pretty sure this is from the girl's perspective if I remember correctly, she says anyway, I show up and immediately he launches into a 30 minute monologue about his wealthy upbringing, his house in the Hamptons and how he stayed there during COVID. Blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile I also lived overseas during the pandemic and he didn't ask me a single question about my experience. Not that I need to be the center of the attention, but some basic curiosity would have been nice. He grew up on the Upper East Side and had never been to Chinatown, which was just bizarre. I tried steering the conversation, asking him questions, but he stayed locked in on himself the entire time. I was bored, I was annoyed and I was plotting my exit. Then the check comes, which is $35 in total, and he asked if I had cash and suggests we split it. I guess the look on my face said it all. Like, sir, you just spent half an hour talking about generational wealth and can't cover $35 meal and you're asking me Then get this. He pulls out two of the crispiest 20s I've ever seen and pays. It was giving performative broke. Oh gosh, I figured maybe he was just nervous. So we walked to the nearby bar. He suggested we had a couple of drinks outside. Still no question from him, still talking at me. Shout out to the bartender who slipped me three shots every time I used the restroom. She saw the assignment. I love that I paid for this round. It was heavily discounted thanks to my new favorite bartender. Then called it a night.
Speaker 1:The next day he starts texting me nonstop. I waited a day and let him know I wasn't feeling it and didn't want to go out again. He pushed for feedback so I told him. It felt like he didn't give me space to talk or to get to know me. He replied with well, I didn't want to ask too many questions and make you feel like you had to defend yourself and she's like defend what he said. She said she said I work in politics, I love talking, I was ready to chat. He then said he was really curious about why I'm not on social media, which was somehow the most interesting thing about me in his mind. And she's like, sir, what she goes anyway. I never responded after that and he eventually unmatched me. No hard feelings, just wildly incompatible. I'm glad I was honest and trusted my gut.
Speaker 1:It was disappointing because our texts were fun, but in hindsight he was just talking to me, not to me. I think she meant talking at me, not to me. I don't know, dodged a bullet? I don't know, dodged a bullet. So I mean there's so many things here. First of all, I think when someone immediately starts talking about their wealth and how much money they have is a complete turn off to me. I don't give a fuck about your money, because here's the thing If you're sitting here and something's off to me, I'm really just about to be turned off completely. I don't care how much money you got. I don't even care if you come pick me up in the nicest car. I don't give a fuck if you got Gucci zone.
Speaker 1:No if it's off, it's off and it ain't gonna work Period. Secondly, why do we need to split a $35 bill? If it's $35 and it's two of us, I'm just going to pay for it Like girl, don't even worry about it. You don't even got to Venmo me at this point. I'm just going to pay for it and we can go about our business. It's not going to break the bank, Especially if you sitting here talking about how wealthy you are and got houses in the Hamptons. What are we doing? I don't know.
Speaker 2:The performative broke took me out. Yeah, absolutely, I think. For me, number one, yes, I feel like in all senses, if you have to talk about it, you're obviously not about it In all senses. So, like you know, if you're over here yapping about how much money you got, like, my thought is like, are you small or are you really broke, or what are you trying to make up for? That's where my mind goes really broke. Or what are you trying to make up for? That's where my mind goes um. Because they say like, like, they'll interview millionaires and stuff like that and they shop at ross, or they like, you know they'll, they drive hondas or whatever. So it's like because they have it in the bank, right? Secondly, we're not splitting a bill. That's embarrassing and shout out to the waiter waitress, like matter of fact, I will pay this and I will get my Uber home. Thank you very much.
Speaker 1:Goodbye yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you just wasted my time and it's fine, and what are we doing? Yeah, and third of all, wait what happened at the end?
Speaker 1:there was something else I wanted to say asking when he asked for feedback and was like he didn't want to ask too many questions.
Speaker 2:Oh no, okay, talking about himself, talking about himself that I have like gone on dates with guys that they like oh, they love talking about themselves, or like you know their responsibilities themselves, their family, their you know kids. They're there, they're there, uh, and it's unattractive to me, like because you know, like, why are you not asking me about mine? Or like at least freaking, pretend to care or like put the effort, you know, because I don't, I don't care about this smelly job you have or this shit, but i'ma ask you know, because if I like you and I want to know, like, what your day's like, so it's like that just makes me think, like you don't necessarily care about me or mine, like I'm just there or something you know 100%.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I 100% agree. Like, what are we doing exactly? Yeah, like, and what do you mean? You didn't want to ask because you don't want me to defend myself? Defend myself about what? Like I'm sorry, I'm not. If we're on a date and it's just casual conversation, then let's just make it that, like there should be no expectation that I'm gonna have to defend myself about anything, and at least I shouldn't feel that way because, quite frankly, like there should be nothing that I need to defend myself about. If you feel some type of way about something, then we can talk about it, but I'm not gonna defend myself about shit, especially not on our first date. Like I'm not gonna defend myself about shit, especially not on a first date. Like no.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry hey, shout out to that waiter or waitress.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:I've been in a. It was not a situation anything like this, but I have gone out before um to this restaurant that I used to like to go to when I would go out, and one time there was like it was like me and my friends and then there was like a table of um guys at another table and you know, they came over and and talked to us and stuff, and one like the guy whose birthday was, was like really interested in me. So he was just like I'm a, you know, a jeweler and they all had like gold and everything on and he was just like, oh, we're gonna buy drinks and all this stuff and like, okay, shots of don julio and everything right. So then then me and my friend of mine went to the restroom and the waitress came in and was like, hey, just hang out for five or ten minutes in here, real quick, I'm going to get all your guys' stuff on his tab.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:Okay, girl, like we'll hook you up with a tip, like whatever you know yeah sure enough, she got almost the whole thing onto their tab was this when I was there, karina, no no, it was, no, it wasn't, but um, it was. Uh, it was a different, a different day, but yeah, we, um, we, it was a good time, got it yeah it was a good time.
Speaker 2:And that restaurant was it was fun, it was fun, we had a good time. And then after, restaurant was it was fun, it was fun, we had a good time. And then after, though, I think that guy's like, like we have a hotel Cause they weren't from here, like, oh, you guys should all just like come and hang out and we'll come back out.
Speaker 2:And then I was I don't know what they said. I was like, oh yeah, like you can just give me your number and I'll message you and let you know. And then I was like, bye, felicia.
Speaker 1:No, ain't, nobody got time for that.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it was a good time.
Speaker 1:So I think so now. So next we're going to switch into gears and we're going to talk through. After all of these stories, I think it'd be good to just go through this list and to really just hone in on some typical things that people go through in relationships and, honestly, I've heard people go through when they're dating or in situationships or in marriages. So we're going to take a break and then we're going to go through this list and talk about it.
Speaker 1:Bye, and we are back, all right. So we're going to tie it in with these little, these 14 struggles. It's a silent sex struggles for people in relationships that they go through, but I don't think it has to be all just about sex, right, like? So we'll go through them, we'll talk about it and do the things.
Speaker 1:So number one a partner with a higher sex drive, and it says some people are in relationships with partners who want sex more frequently than they do than the other person does. This can lead to feelings of pressure, frustration or being used, especially if emotional intimacy is lacking. Balance comes from open conversation and finding other ways to connect that don't center on sex. This is something that I 100% think can be an issue in any relationship and especially in dating. In dating, I think most of the time people end up just like breaking up with the person if they're not sexually compatible. But if someone, if they really want to make it work, then they, you know. It is important to have the conversation and talk about it because it can lead to bigger issues in the relationship. Um, any thoughts on that one?
Speaker 2:so what's the like, the question, or like they're saying that people, just if you're in a marriage but there's no like, the sexual chemistry is not 100% there or sexual compatibility is not 100% there no this.
Speaker 1:This person has a. There's one person in a relationship that has a higher sex drive than the other, so the other person is more so. Like I don't need to be fucking every day.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think it causes trauma.
Speaker 1:Number two, a partner who shows no interest in sex. So low libido can come from emotional stress, trauma, hormonal exchanges, relationship conflict or simply differences in desire. It can be painful when a partner withdraws sexually, but talking openly, seeking medical or therapeutic support and reestablishing emotional connection can help.
Speaker 1:It's also true. I think people different people have different sex traumas. Sometimes, you know, in relationships people don't even talk about it, which can become a whole other thing. I think that I've not dated or met any men that have in my life or since, you know, in a time of dating that has low libido, but I've met people with different sexual traumas or you know different issues with having sex personally for them low libido is like you don't want to have sex, so much like you don't really want to, or it's just you're not well, we haven't got there yet, okay.
Speaker 1:Low libido is like you don't really want to, or it's just you're not Well, we haven't got there yet, okay. Low libido is like you don't really want to. You're not really sexually like in the mood, essentially, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's because. I experience that, in regards to the traumas, I I think straight, a lot of straight men don't really um speak on that, or I mean I don't know about men in general, but my experience with um straight men is that they they don't really talk about that, so I can't. I can't say I have or haven't dated somebody that has experienced that, that has had that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I agree with you. But.
Speaker 2:I do agree that it affects comfortability and the ability to be vulnerable with your body and maybe needing extra reassurance or just safety, feeling safe, like stuff like that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree with that. Yep Number three, the one that we always talk about Lack of personal hygiene affecting intimacy. It's hard to get in the mood with someone who doesn't prioritize hygiene, whether it's skipping showers or wearing the same underwear for days. It can be a turnoff If this is affecting your relationship. If this is affecting your relationship, gently encourage shared routines. Give some sexy self-care items or model what turns you on.
Speaker 2:I mean for me personally, like we're not getting that far, do you think?
Speaker 1:If I get any notions, if I'm getting any representation of scent, I'm taking myself out. If I have any introductionary mechanisms to scent or smell or taste honey, it's not happening. We're not even making it to the bedroom. If something even smells off, I'm like I'm Gucci.
Speaker 2:We're not going anywhere, right.
Speaker 1:Exactly yeah.
Speaker 2:He goes like this or something in the Get a waft. Look at that, I got to go.
Speaker 1:Look at the time, girl, my kid's calling me right, because if it smells under there then it smells down there. Honey, girly pop, no, no, no, no. And I do like when they're saying that model or gently encourage, because I've had you, you know, I've, I've, that has worked where I've been, like hey, um, it's not smelling right right there, can you? Um, what we gotta do to make this smell like a little more pleasant?
Speaker 2:I don't think I've. I don't think I've ever experienced a stinky dick.
Speaker 1:I've not experienced a stinky dick. I have experienced more. So we should decide on different products for hygiene, because this one makes you smell a particular way. Got it Number four? Number four Dealing with lust outside the relationship. Yeah, a lot of you motherfuckers. Be out here in these streets flirting with others or fantasizing about other people outside the relationship can chip away at trust and connection. Lust fades when you stop feeding it. Set boundaries, check your behavior and focus on seeing others with respect, not as sexual objects, which is this is a big one, I feel like. So for me, my thing is I don't mind about you know, like if you see someone attractive and you're flirting and all those things, that's fine with me. So I think for me, the biggest part about this is setting the boundaries right, making sure that you're not going too far, you're not, like you know, doing the most like. Setting the boundaries is important when it comes to things like that, in my personal opinion yeah, just making them very clear.
Speaker 2:I'm toxic. Well, I'm not toxic, but I'm like what's going on here. But I also know how, um, how it can be in. Like you know, you're gonna naturally find people in chapter right, because I'm human too and I do too um, I think, it's just making sure that you're not like being disrespectful or like um doing too much, like don't do too much yeah, no, I agree, and it's like boundary setting, like in making sure that they're checking themselves. Right.
Speaker 1:I 100% agree, like let's not do too much, let's not get carried away.
Speaker 2:Let's keep it cute and demure.
Speaker 1:Let's keep it very cute and demure and classy honey yeah.
Speaker 2:Because you will fuck around and find out.
Speaker 1:That's right, that that right there Unmet sexual expectations. So that's. This is number five. It's frustrating when you're sexually satisfied in a relationship, I'm sorry, when you're not sexually satisfied in a relationship, but your partner might not even know how you're feeling. Instead of bottling it up, communicate your needs kindly and listen to theirs too. Great sex often starts with a great conversation. This is very true, I believe. If you're going to lay there and do it, then you should be able to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Number six lingering thoughts of an ex, comparing your current partner to a sexually satisfying ex, can rob your presence of intimacy. Letting go of those memories and seeing your partner with fresh eyes can help create new definitions of sexual fulfillment together. Sexual fulfillment together. This is also true. Number seven porn disrupting intimacy. When porn becomes a substitute for real life intimacy, it can create distance. If it's interfering with your connection, it might be time to reassess your habits and focus on building excitement with your partner in real time. This one I'm like. I guess it just depends on the person, right like in this household, porn is very fun and is exciting, and we make it fun and exciting, but also that's because we are also very much into each other.
Speaker 2:So you know, I think that it depends on who we're talking to here yeah, I just think the amount that's consumed and the connection you have with your partner and the trust and everything else is. It's just like a case by case. I saw that one. I agree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, masturbation Number eight Masturbation becoming a replacement for intimacy. Self-pleasure is normal and healthy, but if it replaced partnered intimacy or causes disconnect, it's worth talking about. Teach your partner what you like. Mutual exploration can turn private pleasure into shared connections.
Speaker 1:I love that this is very true. Number nine struggles with maintaining an erection. Sex starts in the mind. Number nine sex struggles with maintaining an erection. Sex starts in the mind. Anxiety, distraction or pressure to perform can interfere with physical arousal being present. Relaxing and not rushing the experience can make a big difference. This is very, very true guys. When I got laid off my gosh I guess that was almost two years ago I definitely was not in a place to be trying to have sex multiple times throughout the week or if at all, and I definitely, for the first time, started to experience this struggle to get an erection. Um, I've been there before. Thankfully I do not have that issue anymore, but some people have it way worse than just that. But I also think it ties back into having a conversation and being honest about where you are mentally, which plays a huge role in that too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I'm sure I don't know right, but I'm assuming like pressures and like not being able to provide, or just certain things, like it affects men, you know.
Speaker 1:Yes, in different ways versus women. No, yeah, I agree, I agree. Um, no, yeah, I agree, I agree. All right, number 10. We're in our last five, all right. Difficulty climaxing due to overthinking. It's hard to climax when your mind is judging a to-do list or body insecurities. This is common, especially among women. The key is to slow down, breathe and remind yourself that you're allowed to enjoy and receive pleasure. I used to know a friend who he used to have this issue.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:Like he was, like he would be, like I'm in my head I can't really come when I'm having sex. I'm thinking about what my body look like If my ass is shaking while I'm having sex. I'm thinking about what my body look like if my ass is shaking while I'm having sex and I'm like that's a lot to be thinking about. The only thing I'm thinking about is like the last thing. I'm because at this point, if we're fucking or having sex and the last thing I'm thinking about is my body, I'm like you must love what you see, because we naked and we doing this at this point. So what? What are we talking about?
Speaker 2:that's the last thing I'm thinking about I think for women it's probably to like, um, like yeah, I could see the body issue being like a thing, like if you're like, oh my god, like me being on talk slash lettering, you're like you know um, and like if you have a lot on your plate or if you're, it's like new and I don't know yeah, yeah I could see that being a thing.
Speaker 1:I'm sure, yeah, I'm sure it is, and I could see it being one too. I think also, partners have to do a good deal of trying to make you feel comfortable. But also, if you're in your head about it, then you're in your head about it too. There's not much a person can do at that point if you can't seem to break out of whatever you're in your head about either. Right, Like there's only so much, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, here's the one you've been waiting for, number 11. Ejaculating too quickly? Woo, early ejaculation is more common than people think. It doesn't mean that sex can't still be amazing, but if we switch things up when you feel it coming, focus on foreplay or take breaks to reset the rhythm, communication and creativity goes a long way. First of all, have you ever had this happen? Yeah, yes, girl.
Speaker 2:I Go ahead. Yes, girl, um, I go ahead. Yeah, I've just. You know, it seems to be a thing um sometime and I'm just like is it the womp, is it me, is it?
Speaker 1:I mean, or has it been so long for the other person too, I think would also sometimes it can be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think too, you know, like if you're not doing it, like you know frequently, or how long you got, maybe like if you were messing around and doing foreplay before you know like how long was that and like what all did that consist of?
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:But I could see how it, like messes, it can mess up the vibe of it. Like if that's like a constant issue, you know what I mean. Like if you're constantly like 30 seconds a minute you know, it's like yeah, yeah, seriously and I don't know about me. What about I? You know?
Speaker 1:well, I think that's the thing, though. Right, like it's one thing if you come quick and then you're just done, but it's another thing you come quick but you still want to make sure the other person gets off. That's something completely different. Right, because I know that there are people out there who come quick and they're like I've had it, I'm done. You know, I don't need to worry about you because I've got what I needed. But then I know there are people out there who are like I know I came very fast, but I want to still make you come too, so we're going to focus on you right now, and then they might come again in that process. So you know, you never know. I think it just depends on the person and the people dealing with the situation. Right, and you know, making sure to take care of one another, literally.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's important. Number 12, body image and low sexual confidence. If you don't feel sexy, it's hard to show up sexually, but confidence is magnetic. Embrace your body. Embrace your body. Embrace your body stretch marks, tummy scars, all of it. Celebrate each other's beauty, give compliments and focus on what feels good instead of what you think you should look like.
Speaker 1:This is a good one, because I've had tiger stripes all my life and I've never had no niggas turn me away about it. They've all loved it. They don't give a fuck, and I've even heard some people talk about how much they love when people are women, or women or anybody has stress marks. Some people love them, but I do. I am just now getting to a point to where I'm comfortable in my body and getting comfortable in my, or getting more comfortable in my skin, and some days I have my body image struggles where I'm like you know, I'm not feeling cute. Today I'm not feeling it and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm like uber confident and I'm like you know what's up I'm like hey, buddy, it's like you and I, yes, yeah yeah, exactly, but sometimes it just depends on the day too Like.
Speaker 2:So, all that to say, I do agree that you have to embrace what you have and who you know what your body is and what it looks like, Because if you don't feel confident, like at least try to fake it and eventually you will like it'll just be naturally that you're more confident. But yeah, like for me it was an adjustment when my body changed after having kids, like thank god it's not like too drastic, you know, or like like a crazy difference or anything, but there's like little things that change and you're like you know. And then I think different phases of your, like your age, it affects your body, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's just different, like your hips. Hips, you know, maybe change or whatever, so it takes time, but you really have to like, want to do it, and really like okay, well, this is, this is where it's at now. So either find, you know, get athletic, or you know work on things that you, if you don't like it, or along with you know finding, whether you like affirmations or just like mirror work or whatever it is you need to do. But I think just be stepping into it, yeah, because then you feel more confident in all, like you know, having sex and stuff.
Speaker 2:And you're not like all like with a t-shirt or whatever. You know, like you like, feel good, and then I feel like you. You feed off of each other yeah, 100%, I agree.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, um, I think, even even when I had lost a bunch of weight, I still had stretch marks and I still, you know, even at my smallest like still was just, you have to make sure you have to be comfortable in the body you're in, and then the person who you're with will mirror that same respect and appreciation to. It's what it boils down to, all right Number 13, infidelity and emotional disconnection. If you're giving your attention to someone else physically or emotionally, it creates a barrier with your partner. Guilt and scarcity can block intimacy. If you want more, if you want to move forward, the affair has to end and healing must begin.
Speaker 2:What does that mean? Like if your partner doesn't know you're having an affair or what.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like if you're being secretive about it, the guilt does build up and you just be like you're like, I'm actually not as interested as I thought to have sex today because I've been fucking somebody else. It's really what that boils down. To Keep your dick in your pants is what it also boils down to Right.
Speaker 2:I'm like what am I supposed to say to that? Like don't do it, what the hell? Like obviously, if you're out here freaking sticking it in someone else, like you're not going to want to come over and do it. Either leave or or don't do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, comparing your sex life to others Number 14, the last one or don't do it. Yeah, comparing your sex life to others Number 14, the last one Social media, friends or podcasts might make it seem like everyone else is having better sex, but every relationship is different. Focus on what works for you both and build your own unique love story. No comparisons are necessary and I think that is a great way to wrap that up. I think, all in all, you know, really, I think the what this episode and what we're talking about different relationships and dating experiences boil down to is, you know, be true to what you want, what you need, and also communication there that came up a lot and making sure that don't be just accepting anything from people and any bullshit that they are offering up to you. Um, it's important to just say what you need and communicate that in the beginning and, you know, go from there, communicate that in the beginning and, you know, go from there.
Speaker 2:I think it's just like giving your like step into your power and just use your voice, like, make things clear, like, because a closed mouth can't get fed, so you need to like okay, what do you want? Say it Okay, and then if that person doesn't do it, well, then that's when you can make your decision.
Speaker 2:Or you know, or you can work on it together or you just come to a plan. But if you just like silently deal with it, I feel like it, um, it's like a snowball effect. You know like it's just gonna grow and grow and grow and eventually it's just going to like become something so much bigger than it could have just been something resolved, and you know quickly if it would have been addressed from the beginning.
Speaker 1:I agree. I agree with that being said, we're going to take our final break and we'll be right back to wrap up the show. Bye, hey, y'all. If you like what you heard, make sure we're going to take our final break and we'll be right back to wrap up the show. Bye, hey, y'all. If you like what you heard, make sure you join the conversation. We always say to make sure to like, comment and subscribe, and we definitely want you to do that, but also we would love if you would join in with us. There's a link in the description where you can actually send us messages. You can also make sure to tag us on social media. Put up your favorite clips of the show and then tag us and we will repost them on our stories. That is the best way to get in communication or community with us, and we would love to see y'all interact with the content. Anyway, thank you for following us and thank you for listening, and we'll see you back for the remainder of the content. Anyway, thank you for following us and thank you for listening, and we'll see you back for the remainder of the show. Bye, all right, and we are back.
Speaker 1:We pulled a affirmation card, which we have not done in a while. Remember, if you've been listening, we have our Golden Mantras deck, which is an affirmation deck and has a guidebook by Destiny Taylor, and we pulled an affirmation today. So this one says I care for myself, I give myself what I need when I need it, and it says my love, you are the guardian of your mind, body and soul. This ties right into what we were talking about today. You may be questioning whether you have what it takes to nurture yourself and provide what is needed for you in this lifetime, or your time, attention and energy may be focused on something other than yourself. If the latter, the universe, asks you to take a step back and pour into yourself, affirming that you've got you and will always have you.
Speaker 1:I love that. And the prompt says what do I need to write? What do I need right now? So I think this ties right into what we were talking about. You know, dating relationships, making sure to communicate, making sure that you have yo back before anybody else does, essentially, and communicating exactly what you need from people. And with that, I think we have come to the end of the show. Do you have any final thoughts?
Speaker 2:I think, like you said, just pouring into yourself too is important. I think, like you said, just pouring into yourself too is important, like just whether that's like a warm bath with, like your favorite bath bomb or soap or something, bubble bath or whatever, or hot girl walk or I don't know, just like something Find yourself, like pour into yourself too, you know, because that's when burnout happens, like if you don't give yourself a little bit of something to get burnt out quick giving yourself something to look forward to or working towards is always important yeah okay, well, we hope you enjoyed this week's episode.
Speaker 1:make sure to continue to like, comment and subscribe, and do you want to tell them where to follow us?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you guys can follow us at HellaCheeseMedPod on Instagram, make sure, on YouTube, hellacheesemedpodcast, and you can stream us on Apple Podcasts, iheartradio on HellaCheeseMedPodcast and same with our TikTok that's right.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode and we'll see you guys next week. Bye, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la la. Outro Music.
